Are you a man? Do you have an opinion on catcalling? Do you think it’s an ethical gray area? Do your feelings get hurt when you’re just trying to be nice and a woman ignores you?
I don’t care.
Your opinion on this issue does not matter. This may come as a shock, I know. “We have freedom of speech in this country! True feminism means that everyone’s voices get heard, not just women’s! Hating men isn’t the answer!”
I don’t care.
Did you know, hypothetical man, that a Detroit man shot and killed a woman in early October because she turned him down, according to an Oct. 7 Associated Press article? Did you also know that women have no way of knowing which man who yells something at them in passing will be the one to pull out a gun and kill them?
“But I would never do that! It’s unfair to treat men like they’re all the same and to assume the worst about them! It makes us sound like monsters! I’m not a monster!”
I don’t care.
The impetus for this article, you’ve probably gathered, is a video of a woman walking around New York City. The video documents the harassment she encountered on her walk, and it states that over the course of ten hours she was harassed more than one hundred times.
Within two hours, the woman featured in the video was receiving rape threats and death threats, according to an Oct. 29 Vox article.
A woman tried to make a point. Men threatened to rape and kill her.
“Those are just jerks on the internet! They don’t have any effect on real life! They’re just nerds at their computers! Women need to calm down about this!”
I don’t care.
Do you want to know why I don’t care so much, hypothetical man? It’s because, to put it as succinctly as I can, your opinions do not change women’s experiences. It’s your opinion that “Hey, beautiful!” is flattering? It’s my experience that it’s discomfiting, makes me wonder if he’ll turn aggressive (sometimes he does, and it changes from discomfort to fear in an instant). Your opinion doesn’t change that.
It’s not about the words. It’s about the subtext. It’s about the power dynamic that’s inherent in any harassment situation. I can tell the difference between a compliment and something darker. Street harassment is dark, and it makes women feel like they’ve been used without having done anything at all. “Hey, you look good” is nice to hear from one of your friends. From a leering stranger on the street, it feels like a violation. Your opinion doesn’t change that feeling.
Women, hypothetical man might be shocked to realize, in fact base their self-esteem on more than sexualized comments from passersby. They may even want to travel from one point to another without being bothered, even if they look attractive while they do so. It should not be an unreasonable expectation that men respect women as more than sexual objects.
I don’t owe you anything, hypothetical man. Even if you find me (or any other woman) attractive, you do not automatically get to interact with me. I have the right to ignore you if I want to. This isn’t me being a man-hating feminist. This is me being a person trying to feel like she’s welcome in the world. Street harassment makes women feel like the world wasn’t built for them; it was rather built for men to look at them.
Hypothetical man, it is dangerous to be a woman in this world. We are killed for saying no and we are killed for saying nothing at all. You are not entitled to our time and you are not entitled to our attention. You are, of course, entitled to your opinion.
But I don’t care about it.