“Fifty Shades of Grey” is not sexy.
“Fifty Shades of Grey” is not a subversion of modern romantic movies, it’s not a fun new kink, and it’s not bondage, domination and sadomasochism (BDSM). It’s simply an exaggeration of the underlying themes and culture already present in modern media.
Man “wins” woman. Men get to act while women are acted upon. This is the accepted script of Hollywood. It’s also the script of an abusive relationship.
According to the Washington Times, activists fighting domestic abuse launched a campaign, #50DollarsNot- 50Shades, asking people to donate to battered women’s shelters rather than spend money on the film.
The problem with the film does not lie in the practice of BDSM; the problem is that the sex in the novel and film is abuse disguised as a fetish, and the millions of women who saw the film are now under the impression that this is a healthy relationship.
The relationship seen in “Fifty Shades of Grey” is abuse, plain and simple. It is a cohesive, manipulative, controlling man and a woman incapable of giving informed consent and told that she has no choices or control in the relationship.
In a healthy BDSM relationship, both parties consent and are empowered by the exchange, both parties know what is going to happen and come to an agreement before anything happens. There is trust, there is safety, and there is open communication and support.
In an abusive relationship, one person is in power. There is no exchange or agreement or consent. The person in power causes fear and harm to come to his or her partner. It is cruel and violent without communication or support.
Which one of these relationships sounds like “Fifty Shades”? Which one of these relationships is being marketed to millions of people as healthy?
The problem is not just “Fifty Shades of Grey;” it’s a poison that permeates our culture. Women are criticized for allowing abusive relationships to happen to them while we romanticize abusive relationships in fiction. We tell women that they should be flattered by excessive male attention. We tell girls that the boys who pull their hair must like them.
We excuse male violence as normalcy and accuse women for letting it happen.
And now, with the popularity of “Fifty Shades,” we celebrate abuse. We advertise it right in the faces of victims, we act like it’s cute and sexy that this man controls who she can talk to, what she can do and where she can go, instead of the terrifying reality faced by many women.
When people walk away from movies, they’re often filled with new thoughts and ideas, with a new perspective on life. That’s great if you walk away from “Interstellar” with a new appreciation for the vastness of our universe and the smallness of ourselves, or see “The Avengers” and feel the thrill of watching impossible heroes do impossible things.
It’s irresponsible to take a terrible reality, dress it up like a kink and sell it to millions. To say abuse is sexy, to say that female sexuality is inherently submissive.
“Fifty Shades” isn’t sexy. “Fifty Shades” is Hollywood selling us the same tired tropes with a dash of abuse.