The temperatures dropped this week, after a long period of profuse sweating from Point Parkers in Lawrence Hall or the especially decrepit areas of South Oakland. (“Do they make deodorant for the backs of my knees?” is a real thought I had when the temperatures hit more than 90 degrees.)

But lo, now the season of fall approaches like the shadow of death approaches us all, except much more pleasant, so this simile doesn’t really work.

In any case, there’s a lot to look forward to about fall, and I have very helpfully taken the time to document every single one of those things in a comprehensive list. If you are excited about something fall-related that does not appear on this list, you are wrong. This list includes literally every positive thing about fall.

• The trees change colors, reminding you of the impermanence of all things and that you too will die someday, and be forgotten as though you had never even been here in the first place.

• You can wear your cutest boots to hide your disgusting feet at last. Don’t argue. They are horrifying, unless you’re Quentin Tarantino, and I strongly suspect you’re not.

• The classic fall holiday of Spookytime only comes but once a year, and that one time is in fall. The children spit their teeth at each other and adults glue knives to their fingernails, and everyone has a pretty spooky time in general.

• On October 31, a classic fall date, the Pumpkin Spiceman makes his rounds. He sneaks into your bedroom and drips the Spice into your eyes. When you wake up you see tiny pumpkins at the end of your fingers and eat them one by one. You then realize they were never pumpkins at all, which is why your family is screaming. Another classic fall hijink! 

• Only in fall can you and your best friend go to a corn maze. And only in fall can you lose your friend in the maze and search for hours until you come across a scarecrow you didn’t notice before. Only in fall can you try to remember what your friend was wearing and why the scarecrow looks so similar. Only in fall can you wonder whether that’s a smile or a grimace of agony. Only in fall can you never see him again.

So there you have it, gang. Literally every single thing there is to love about fall. Enjoy your lattes!