This piece is satire. The Globe does not endorse any presidential candidates.
Cassandra Harris: Dean Keith Paylo
There would be no better pick for the United States President than Dean Keith Paylo himself. Some students may have reservations about how he leads Student Affairs at Point Park, but not all presidents have a 100% approval rating either. Do you know what he does for this campus? If Paylo can manage 28 different areas of the university, according to Point Park’s website, for the last 22 years why wouldn’t he be able to run for the presidency?
With his experience in residential life, student activities, co-curricular and cooperative education, study abroad, and athletics, he is pretty much set to manage the correlating departments of the United States Government. Paylo is a man who cares deeply about the people he manages. In this case, that’s students, in the context of the country, that’s the American people. And if you’ve ever seen his office he would know that he is darn patriotic.
Carson Folio: Point Park Spidey
Look, it’s not easy to unite a group of people as big as Point Park Spidey has. A presidential candidate should be someone that can understand the concerns of as many people in the general populace as possible and will act when needed.
Other Point Park parody social media accounts never tried as hard as Spidey has to add some necessary silliness to the everyday happenings of our weird, quirky university we attend. But guess what? No matter if you love or hate this place, Spidey makes posts that everyone can enjoy.
Spidey has put in the work to be as inclusive as possible with who he talks about and what references to the school he makes. A potential presidential candidate should make sure that their reach is as large as possible and that all people can understand them, not just a select few.
Every major is represented on the Point Park Spidey Instagram account. He doesn’t just cater his memes to people in the School of Cinema, the School of Communication or the Conservatory of Performing Arts (COPA). Rather, Plus, he has stuck out for the good fight – he started out with just a few interactions on his posts in the first few months and most people running Point Park parody accounts would’ve given up then.
Here’s the thing: Spidey is not most people running these parody accounts – he’s different and better. Spider-Man is also hands down the best marvel character, so that automatically makes Spidey the ideal presidential candidate choice. Obviously.
What about Spidey’s Vice Presidential pick? Point Park Missed Connections 4.0 by far. Whoever owns that account has also stuck out for the long haul and has created such a hilarious community in their own right. You both should have Point Park’s vote.
Peyton Martin: Percy Jackson
Someone I believe would make a great president of the United States is Percy Jackson from the series “Percy Jackson and the Olympians.” I haven’t had a chance to finish the series yet, but I have several reasons for him to be my presidential candidate.
Firstly, Jackson has completed many dangerous quests to save, not only the United States, but the entire world. Several of these quests happened before he even turned 16. Those quests include him traveling to the Underworld, fighting the God of War, Ares, holding up the sky for several minutes and many others.
Secondly, he puts others before himself time and time again. For example, when he was fighting the Chimera in the first book, Jackson stayed behind to fight and save his friends, even with the odds stacked against him. This leads me to believe that he would be a president for the American people.
Lastly, Jackson stands up for what he believes in, even against the Gods. There have been many examples of him and his defiance against the Greek Gods, so I believe he would hold to those values while in office.
Overall, Jackson would be my presidential pick.
Michael Klug: Dwight Schrute
My pick for someone who would be a better president than Trump would be Dwight Schrute from “The Office.” With a passion for getting the job done and making security a high priority, he would be a top contender for office.
In the series, Schrute prides himself in being the smartest person in the workplace and has an ego arguably bigger than Trump’s at first. However, this does not stop him from falling in line whenever he gets called out.
Schrute also isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty in the field, as shown in the series when he becomes a deputy police officer, albeit briefly. He also buys the building where the series takes place.
As a farmer, Schrute understands the importance of trade and self-reliance, which makes me believe that he would lower tariff prices and choose Cabinet members wisely.
