What should I do if it seems like I’m hanging out with the wrong crowd? How do I know who is a real friend? How do I choose who to hangout with?

Terrific questions, I am so sorry you are currently struggling with figuring out who belongs in your circle. It can be hard to understand if people are worth your trust. The first thing you should think about is what kind of friends you need and what kind of friends you are with people.

There are five main types of relationships we crave: physical, comedic, emotional, intellectual and all-rounder. Physical relationships are with people who match our energy and give you what you may feel like you’re missing. Comedic relationships are with people you can turn your brain off and just enjoy yourself with. Emotional relationships are with people you can let your guard down and be vulnerable with. Intellectual relationships are with people that can challenge you mentally and push you to learn more. The most important is the all-rounder. This is a person you can do anything and everything with.

The biggest part of knowing if you are making the right choices of friends is asking if you are comfortable. If you have hesitations about the people you are around, then you should ask yourself why. A common cause of difficulty in relationships is a conflict of values. I personally value honesty, empathy and respect. Other people may value intelligence or physical appearance. However, problems can come up when your values conflict with another person’s, especially if you are unable to respect this other set of values.

It is almost impossible to know if the people in your life are genuine. So the best way to understand is through trust. People are frivolous with trust, but giving your trust to worthy people makes your relationships stronger. Choosing who you want to hangout with could be based on your mood and what you need at that moment. It’s more than OK to express different sides of yourself at different times, but it’s never OK to become someone you are not. The best piece of advice I can give is to trust your gut. If people keep pushing your boundaries and have different values, then it might be time to reevaluate their roles in your life. 

Do you need some advice? Are people in your life too indecisive?

Do you need a new point of view?

Just email me at zdplizg@pointpark.edu.