How long should I wait before moving on from a relationship? What is the best way to handle a break up? Am I a bad person for quickly getting over a breakup? Is it wrong to have desires for a relationship even if I have just left one?

Good questions, and I am sorry you went through a break up. Regardless of if the relationship was positive or negative, it is always challenging to lose a person important in your life. 

There is no definite way to handle a break up. In regards to how to break up with someone, it’s best if you avoid any complex or convoluted methods and just communicate the problems clearly. Most relationships fail due to an inability to communicate issues clearly or understand the other person’s point of view.

Reactions to the death of a relationship vary from person to person. The duration of your feelings do not determine whether or not you are a good person. Whether we are good people or not is determined by our actions, so don’t worry about being a bad person for not feeling anything after a break up.

 Getting over a relationship is similar to the stages of grief in the sense that processing the pain comes to everyone at different times. There are the same five stages that we all go through: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages can happen in any order over any amount of time. The process of grief can even happen much later after the traumatic event. 

As for wanting to start a new relationship after terminating a previous one, there is no real wait requirement before diving into a new relationship. The reality is that some people need to take time between relationships because they struggle to find peace within themselves. You can never truly love and be comfortable with someone if you can not feel that way about yourself. 

Overall, please do not think of yourself as a bad person for having or not having specific feelings toward a person or a situation. Accepting your emotions makes life much easier. Trying to understand if your actions make you a bad person is completely different from figuring out if you are a bad person based on your feelings. 

Do you need some advice? Are people in your life too indecisive? 

Do you need a new point of view?

Just email me at zdplizg@pointpark.edu.