If Facebook has taught me anything, it’s that for every facet of your life, there is a corresponding life hack. Nothing in life is unhackable, from recipes to storage solutions to crafts that you think about making but never actually do.

Life hacks are supposed to make your life easier, and between school, work, debt and the crushing weight of an inscrutable future, no one needs life hacks more than college students. So here are some easy ways to improve your life.

BREAKFAST IS THE LEAST IMPORTANT MEAL

Stop pressuring yourself to eat breakfast.

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” alleged experts say, as they’ve said since the beginning of time. But that is an oppressive social construct that eats into your valuable sleep time. You don’t eat breakfast. There’s no time, and you’re running late for your first class anyway.

Stop lying to yourself that you’ll do better tomorrow. Just enjoy your ten extra minutes of sleep without guilt, blissfully free of the social pressure that is the need to eat breakfast. You’ll be hungry but slightly more rested. Sometimes in life we are forced to make these difficult  choices.

BE A MESSY GAL WHO LIVES FOR COMEDY

Prioritize half-hour comedies for your Netflix binges. Long dramas, like “Grey’s Anatomy” or “Mad Men,” derail your emotional life and suck up your time. By prioritizing lighthearted, shorter fare, you can finish series faster and generally without being brokenhearted. A caveat to this half-hour comedy rule: watch out for comedies streaked with sadness, like “Bojack Horseman” and “Love and Louie.” They will mess with your emotional equilibrium just as much as “Orange is the New Black” or “Freaks and Geeks.”

CATS ARE WORTH BREAKING THE RULES

Get a cat. It’s possible that you aren’t technically “allowed” to have a cat because it’s against your landlord’s “rules” or your roommates are “allergic.” But some things are worth breaking the rules. Having access to the love or indifference of something that is warm and covered in fur that can’t resist you when you pick it up is worth it. If you illegally acquire a cat, your life will improve. Unless you’re the roommate who’s allergic to cats, in which case you may sneeze a lot or become itchy instead.

WHEN IN DOUBT, BLOW IT UP

Get one of those phones that explodes. If you’re semi-seriously injured in the explosion, you might be able to get some money from the company. That takes care of the whole college debt thing.

YOUR BED DOES NOT HAVE TO BE YOUR FRIEND

Remove all the sheets from your bed to make it as uncomfortable as possible. Instead of a pillow, use a thesaurus from the sixties.

This way, it won’t be hard to leave your bed in the morning, and your head will be full of out-of-date slang via osmosis.

STOP PRETENDING YOUR RELATIVES AREN’T AWFUL

Add all of your family members on Facebook, from your grandmother to that one person who’s always at Thanksgiving who you aren’t sure is actually related to you. The parade of minion memes and sincere compliments on the terrible photos of you your friends uploaded as a joke will be a disincentive to waste time on social media. Every cringe-worthy status you see will be a minute you spend on something productive instead of Facebook.

FREE YOURSELF

Shed your exoskeleton. Allow your wings to unfurl at last. Embrace the trail of slime you leave behind you. Screech in your true voice, the voice you haven’t used since almost your first days as a hatchling. Live as your real self, unaffected by the screams that follow you. Find your prey.

Enjoy the hunt.