Point Park Globe

Advice for underclassmen from a graduating senior

Wisdom from a person who has been in your shoes for the last four years

Photo by Izzy Opsitos

Photo by Izzy Opsitos

Written By Lauren Ortego, Co-Opinions Editor

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I have always hated the idea of “wisdom.”

We always attribute it to people who are older, who have experienced the world in a more holistic manner than ourselves. But here I am, claiming I have some wisdom and getting ready to drop it on you.

I’ve been going to this university for four years of my life and I’d like to think that I’ve picked up on some things that may help you, oh dear reader of The Globe, in your future endeavors here. Some of it will be sarcastic, some will be actually helpful, but all of it is just a suggestion. (I have to say this in case you actually follow any of it and get yourself in trouble somehow, so now I’m not to blame.)

The first is that you do not under any circumstances need to worry about eating alone. I say this first because it’s a problem that I thought freshman had after being too used to eating in large clumps of friends you only vaguely like in the high school cafeteria.

No one cares. I mean it. Nobody is going to look at you weird for eating by yourself. And if they do, that means that they didn’t shed their judgement layer when entering the metamorphosis of college, which means they’re no fun, anyways.

Which is another thing – leave your judgement at the door. This is college, if someone wants to walk around barefoot and only drink kale juice on Tuesdays when they’re eating their vegan chicken quesadilla, you just have to let them, dude.

Someone is wearing pajamas to class? Great. Resourceful. Be jealous of their bravery to do what we all want to.

You should also join a club. If you have an interest in it, I can guarantee there’s a club that at least covers it. And you should do it as soon as you discover it. I made the mistake of waiting until the end of my sophomore year to join anything that piqued my interest.

Joining an organization or club on campus is a great way to build up resentment about the lack of United Student Government (USG) funds and jumpstart your Facebook political career. While we’re on the topic of social media, friend and/or follow everyone.

Absolutely every single person you meet. This way, you can awkwardly wave at each other in the cafe every day for however many years you have left at college. Friend that on girl on Facebook that you were in a group project with who didn’t do anything, follow that kid who sat next to you in your first Mathematical Experience class on Twitter or even the lunch lady that everyone is super cool with because she lets you get away with using a meal for food that is clearly not one of the pre-designed meals.

This will give your parents the illusion that you’re making friends, and in a way, you kind of are. You’ll all be bonding soon enough over the kind of problems that only Point Park students experience.

Everything from COPA students being too loud after their 8 a.m. classes to the elevators not moving faster than the speed of light, to the cafe being out of ketchup for the hundredth time.

I mean, seriously? It’s the most popular condiment by far and every time I just want to put a little moisture back into my french fries it’s conveniently out and I have to replace it with barbecue sauce.

Do you know what four years of replacing ketchup with other condiments has done to me? To my need for it?

But the most important thing to remember is this: you will have to watch the entirety of The Office (U.S.) in order to relate to any of your peers, you will become a radical liberal, you’re probably going to experiment with dying your hair and you will learn that to print something in the second floor academic computer lounge, you need to click print in color and then cancel it to get black and white.

Just like we all have had to.

And have fun.

Don’t forget that part, because it’s the one I see so many people forget about. You’re not paying thousands of dollars to be miserable. You’re paying thousands of dollars to be miserable with your friends, eating Pizza Fiesta on the floor of your dorm room at 2 a.m.

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