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The Globe’s Point – What to do if (when) nuclear war breaks out

Written By Editorial Board

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Here’s your scenario:

It’s 9:40 on a Tuesday. You’ve just mounted the stairs to get to your Western Civ class on the 10th floor of West Penn. Your teacher is “taking roll.” The kid next to you is eating a spicy tuna roll for breakfast. Sweaty, you gaze out the window adjacent to your right shoulder. You see it before you hear it. The surrounding buildings, once standing, are now sitting in their smoky graves. The landscape, once a spectrum of colors, has now taken on a single shade of pallid gray. In awe, you can’t look away.

After months of reading highly intelligible and reassuring tweets from the President concerning the numerous present nuclear conflicts, it’s finally happened. We’ve been nuked.

Where do you go? What do you do? How do you feel? Read on.

Given your survival, which is by no means a guarantee, you don’t have much time. According to The Business Insider, you have about five minutes of radiation exposure time to hoof it over to an adequate shelter.

A study in the 1950s showed that soda remains unaffected by nuclear blasts, so pick up a 12-pack of Fanta on your way over.

Find a basement – if you can find a sub-basement that isn’t filled to the brim with terrorized Pittsburghers, even better. On Point Park’s campus, you have a few options for shelter. As you flee wild-eyed and fleet-footed from West Penn, you could easily make it the Student Center within five minutes. Slide feet-first into the waterless pool and shrink into a deep sleep.

If you’re willing to risk more exposure, you could make a break for the basement of Lawrence Hall (and if nuclear war strikes before 7 p.m., you won’t even have to scan your ID to get in). Nestle yourself in between the cockroaches and the bike racks and hope for the best.

If you’re feeling incredibly 007, sprint to the University Center and make use of those new study rooms in the basement.  Not only will you be protected from harm, but you’ll be able to study in peace and quiet, with several places to charge your now futile
iPhone X.

All joking aside, it’s important to be prepared in the case of total disaster. Be safe out there Point Park.

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