Judging Java | Oat milk in coffee: it will change your life forever

Written By Jake Dabkowski, Coffee Columnist

My life changed forever recently. It was a somber Sunday morning when I began craving a nice cup of coffee. As I made the coffee, I debated what to put in it. Sometimes I drink my coffee without anything in it, but cups of coffee with nothing in them are somewhat violent, and I needed a calm cup. Typically, I add the Nestle French Vanilla Coffee Creamer to it, but that has so much unnecessary sugar and processed flavors and also the CEO of Nestle is a monster who wants to control the worlds’ water supply. Looking in my fridge, there was only one thing I could put in my coffee that could work to satisfy my intense craving for calm: oat milk.

My relationship with oat milk began about two years prior. My girlfriend was a very big fan of oat milk, and would often use it as a milk substitute. I was not a fan. However, at some point along my collegiate experience, I began occasionally making a meal supplement drink that required oat milk to make. Because of this I began consuming a lot more oat milk than I ever had before in my entire life (until now).

As college continued, I began to drink less oat milk, specifically because it was difficult to procure oat milk in the downtown area at the time. Likewise, I grew tired of the oats. I often wondered to myself “what have the oats ever done for me?” Now I know. They have done a lot.

Recently, my girlfriend began making a secret hot chocolate recipe with oat milk. (I know the secret recipe, but I’m not telling). This hot chocolate recipe blew my mind and inspired me to pick up a thing of oat milk and make it myself. Although my hot chocolate is not as good as hers, I still made an adequate cup of cocoa.

And so, the oat milk sat in my fridge, until one cold Sunday I thought “sure.” I mixed an adequate amount of the oat milk into my cup of Keurig Donut Shop coffee, slowly stirred, and then sipped. That is when my life changed forever.

I now will never put Nestle French Vanilla Coffee Creamer in my coffee, so long as there is oat milk on this earth to chug. I am not exaggerating when I say that this cup of coffee changed my life forever.

It is a crazy thing to have your life changed forever. I can only think of a few things that have changed my life forever. Making the decision to come to Point Park university, meeting my significant other, the music of Bomb the Music Industry! – and now oat milk.

If you had told me, twenty two years ago, that someday oat milk would change my life and that I would swear a pledge of undying fidelity to oat milk, I would not have been physically capable of response because I would only have been a month old. But if you would have told me a few years later at a point where I had gained consciousness and an ability to communicate, I would have probably been very confused as to what oat milk is. While oat milk was invented in the 1990s, it only rose to popularity in the late 2010s after a milk shortage led to an increase in demand for alternatives in Europe and North America. Because of this oat milk became a household name. So if you asked me during the late 2010s if I would ever think that oat milk would change my life, I would probably become concerned that regular milk no longer exists. I would likely view oat milk in a completely different way than I view oat milk now – a somber, distasteful view. And that’s the wrong way to view oat milk, because it is fantastic!

Simply put, oat milk is the GOAT milk. To clarify, what I mean is that oat milk is the GOAT milk as in “greatest of all time” milk, for which GOAT is often used a short hand or slang term. This should not be confused with goat milk, which is a type of milk that comes from a goat. Oat milk comes from oats, not goats, and it is because oat milk comes from oats that it is the GOAT milk. If it came from goats, it would not be the GOAT milk, because goat milk is not very good.