Happy Valentine’s Day, Pioneers! I hope everyone can find time to spread appreciation to their loved ones – in a platonic or romantic capacity. Valentine’s Day tends to focus on romantic or sexual attraction, but it is important for us to take into account all kinds of attraction to be as inclusive as possible.
Romantic and sexual orientations are fluid by nature, but these labels tend to have set definitions. Asexuality is experiencing the lack of sexual desires, but The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network is a great resource for people to learn more from the words of actual asexual and aromantic people. Aromantic is similar, it is the lack of romantic desires, but each identity can act as a larger umbrella for more specific identities, such as graysexual or aro-flux.
Valentine’s Day has traditionally been seen as a holiday for couples, but there is value in the tradition of “Galentine’s.” Although this holiday is largely gendered, it still brings awareness that not everyone is going to be in, or want to have, a relationship every February for several reasons.
All kinds of media deserve aromantic and asexual storylines too. The normalization that everyone wants to receive a romantic Valentine or a spicy message does not apply to everybody.This leaves aro-ace feeling confused, lost and isolated in a culture where toxic displays of love are normalized. People are raised on the idea, through books and movies, that stalking, buying an object without the other person’s permission or dating someone just to get back at an ex, are all behaviors which show extreme romantic dedication. No, these acts are creepy and should not be normalized behavior. As Ariana Grande once said, “Thank you, next.”
Hook-up culture is also actively destroying Generation Z’s dating scene, creating confusing environments which could lead to more “situationships” than relationships. When compulsory romantic and sexual feelings are so normalized, it’s hard to not seem alienated from the equation.
Aromantic crushes are sometimes called a “squish,” which is not quite a romantic crush. Instead, a “squish” represents when an aromantic person has strong platonic feelings for another person. These are often referred to as queer platonic relationships (QPRs), but the dynamics of these relationships, and what they are labeled as, can change based on the needs of the people involved.
Resources such as the “Sounds Fake But Okay” book and podcast, “Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex,” by Angela Chen and “Loveless,” a fictional book by aro-ace author Alice Oseman, can help unearth the unsatiated feelings aro-ace people have concerning societal expectations around relationships.
There is nothing wrong about not feeling romantic or sexual attraction. Aromantic awareness week starts on February 18, so celebrate yourself this Valentine’s Day as you navigate your own identity. It’s challenging, but listening to others’ stories might clue you into why aesthetic, emotional, physical, and sensual attraction can completely alter a person’s connection towards relationships. Regardless, everyone deserves love, and aro-ace people can love just like everyone else. Representation always matters.
