Imagine if a platonic or romantic partner in your life was your greatest obsession. Imagine if they consumed your mind at all times, and determined your mood. Imagine if you lacked boundaries from them, experienced intense jealousy, and isolated yourself from your personal life for them. Imagine if you lost self-identity to them?

That sounds horrible, right? Yet, more often than not, artists possess these exact traits with their work. Dancers spend all day in the studio, feeling guilty if they aren’t constantly pushing themselves to their physical limits. Singers practice to a point of vocal fry and actors rehearse emotions so relentlessly the lines blur between performance and self. It’s exhausting.

There are so many pressures on performing art students to overly associate with and become their major. People are frequently deemed unsuccessful if they’re not working and networking at all times. This is a learned behavior, deeply tied to the competitive nature of the industry. But understanding its origins does not make it healthy. When productivity dictates self-worth and rest feels like failure, our relationship with art becomes undeniably toxic.

As a dance major, there are countless days in a semester when I don’t pick up a combination in ballet class or fall out of turns in jazz, and it ruins my day. My mood shifts, and I begin to question my abilities. I would never allow a friend or partner to dictate my worth so easily, so why do I allow dance to do exactly that?

Once I recognized this pattern, I knew something had to change. Pursuing a passion at a higher education or career level requires balance.

To improve your relationship with art, start by setting clear boundaries between effort and self-worth, limit comparison, and maintain relationships beyond your major. These are all concrete steps toward building a healthier, more sustainable artistic practice.

In a past COPA Column, I discussed more strategies to be a human first, artist second. Beyond those, acknowledging toxic relationship traits between you and your career path is essential to stopping them. Emotional drain, codependency and manipulation are common warning signs — see any parallels?

In honor of this Valentine’s season, it’s important to love proudly and relentlessly. Loving your art is an undeniable key to success in the industry. Regardless, it should not cost you your well-being. Loving yourself and the life you live beyond work provides the experiences that give art meaning. Any form of love requires boundaries, and protecting your humanity is what allows that love to last.