Judging Java: Whole Foods Coffee Bar

Written By Jake Dabkowski, Coffee Columnist

Whole Foods is a company that is owned by Amazon. I do not like Amazon. I do not think that very many people my age like Amazon. I think that Jeff Bezos is one of the worst people alive, and that in a just society, he would not be allowed to hold the insane amount of power and wealth that he holds.

Jeff Bezos is worth 136.4 billion dollars. In my opinion, to be worth a billion dollars is an insane amount of money. His very existence is proof that our society has failed – why is he allowed to own a five hundred million dollar superyacht while thousands of Americans are forced to ration their insulin, a medicine that they need? 

While 31.6 million Americans live without health insurance, Jeff Bezos gets to blast off into space as part of a blatant vanity project to compete with Elon Musk, who is also an awful person and did a terrible job of hosting Saturday Night Live. During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, 9.6 million Americans lost their jobs because their business was forced to close, meanwhile Jeff Bezos saw his networth rise by 50 billion dollars. In total, billionaires saw their net worth rise by 1.7 trillion dollars.

What else is there for me to say about Jeff Bezos? A lot. I think that as the history books are written he will be looked back on as one of the 21st century’s worst monsters. I think that he is a cartoonish villain reminiscent of Lex Luthor combined with a poorly written Doctor Who villain from the future. If you did not know he was a real person and you watched a movie about him, you would complain that the political themes of the movie were too on the nose. I think that he will someday suffer the consequences of his actions, either in this life or the next. I am glad that his wife left him. It brings me great joy to know that he will never find the genuine happiness that is someone loving and caring for you for who you are – no one could ever care for him for something other than his money. 

The suffering that Jeff Bezos has caused his employees, whether it’s forcing them to publicly urinate in water bottles or working them to the point of extensive physical injury or not allowing employees to go home after one of their coworkers died right next to them and forced them to keep working while his body lay there, is unfortunately more suffering than he could ever endure. Even if he magically had a change of heart and renounced his wealth, it would be too late – the evil that he has put into the world can never be undone.

You may be reading this and thinking “Jake, your rant here sounds like some left wing ramblings.” To which I would reply: Jeff Bezos does not care about you. You are nothing to him. He and the elites find your subservience hilarious. We must reject their money, and their power, and find goodness in our common man. We must all come together and unify, and reject politics, reject authority, and respect one another. The only way that we can improve society is by getting rid of material wealth, and caring for our fellow man.

All of that being said, Whole Foods’ coffee is fine.