Why is it so hard to put myself first? Why do I think other people are more important? How do I stop myself from letting others walk all over me? 

All excellent questions, although hard questions. The first part of this, even before the questions, is defining boundaries. We all have them, however most people really struggle with others not respecting them or not listening and understanding why we have boundaries. 

This can be a sign of a person who does not respect boundaries, but it’s more often that we never explicitly state our boundaries. Boundaries are not something that can simply be implied. The only way for people to have the ability to respect your boundaries is if you are straight forward. You cannot dance around this and try to tell them without physically saying it. You have to be direct with people about serious matters, such as your boundaries. 

Now, putting yourself first can either come extremely naturally or not at all. Yes, everything is a spectrum, but with self worth it is a lot more complex than just a spectrum. There are multiple spectrums because your value to you changes by the situation, by your experience and by your mood. 

There is no one reason why it might be hard for someone to put themselves first, but a common one I have seen is value. When I say value, I’m referring to the worth that you and other people give to yourself. It’s easy to undervalue yourself compared to others, which can often lead to exploitation. There are some people in the world that will pick to find your weakness and use it to control you. 

These people may actually see you as a higher value then you see yourself, and they make sure to maintain that for control. When someone else sees value in you that you do not see, you are drawn to them. This is because you desire to see the value in yourself that has been blocked from your view. This can lead to you seeing more worth in other people than yourself.

To this day, there is no way to fully protect yourself from people like this. The best thing is to identify problematic people in your life. It can be hard to look at people in a negative light, but it can open you up to see toxic elements of a relationship that you may have missed. 

However, you need to also look at each person with forgiveness, one bad action does not make someone a bad person. There are many things that you may see or have taken in a negative way, but there can be reasons for these actions. Not all reasons are justifiable but some are understandable. I’m not saying you have to forgive everyone or that you should not forgive anyone. All there is to it is to put yourself in their shoes and understand their point of view. 

Letting other people determine your value is the most dangerous thing for your self-esteem. You need to understand that their viewpoint is based on their life, and you are not living their life live your own and love your own. 

Do you need some advice? Are people in your life too indecisive? 

Do you need a new point of view?

Just email me at [email protected]