How many chances should I give someone before I finally walk away? How do I know if it’s worth keeping someone around? How can I forgive people when they have let me down so much already? Is it wrong to not forgive someone? 

Wonderful questions; however, they are hard to answer. There is no one way to determine how many chances to give someone or how to forgive someone after already having done it before. The biggest factor in these situations is trust level. 

You can not possibly maintain a healthy relationship with anyone if you do not trust them. When thinking about forgiveness, do not think of it as an obligation but rather as a choice. You do not always have to “be the bigger person” and forgive someone. However, one thing I have learned is that there are two types of forgiveness: forgiving for them and forgiving for you. 

Forgiving for them is a way to help put their mind at ease and move forward to a better relationship. Forgiving for you is a way to move on from the trauma caused by the toxicity of the relationship and moving towards healing for yourself, whether that be with or without them. 

One of the most common recommended amount of chances is three. The saying usually goes “three strikes, you’re out.” I personally do not like this because I am a bit of a people pleaser. Although, I would still recommend the three strikes system for people who struggle to set up boundaries and defend themselves. One thing that is hard is determining if it is actually something worth being upset about. 

We need to acknowledge that some arguments and situations in life are inevitable. We cannot hold every argument to the same level of importance. Someone breaking a cup is not the same as someone breaking a car. We need to acknowledge the levels of severity when it comes to forgiveness and if there is salvageable trust there. 

Understand that not everyone deserves the same level of trust. There are some people in this world that use you for different things. Identifying if a person is worth trusting is challenging. Some people would tell you to test someone and see if they’re worth being trusted, but I find testing people to be bad for building trust. I personally would start off with a small level of trust and build as they earn more.

Do you need some advice? Are people in your life too indecisive? 

Do you need a new point of view?

Just email me at [email protected].